Tuesday, September 28, 2010

to hijab or not to hijab


I recently got invited to a Muslim wedding and have been advised to dress modestly, hijab would be best. I'm a bit torn here though. My friend (a female) is not muslim, nor is she converting, but is marrying a muslim man. Apparently only men are allowed to marry out of their faith. Here are some of the rules on the website of the mosque where the wedding will take place:



Parties wishing to get married at XXXXX Mosque must comply with the following requirements before making appointment:
  1. Marriage will not be performed between a Muslim female and a non-Muslim male.
  2. Approval of the Marriage by respective fathers or recognized Muslim guardians shall be demonstrated prior to the performance of the marriage. This condition especially applies to the bride. Written permission from the Parent / Guardian of the bride consenting to marry.
  3. An agreement on the Dowry (Mahr) to the bride between the bride’s guardian and the groom must be completed.
  4. Marriage performance/reception shall conform to Islamic standard; no alcoholic beverages, no drugs of any kind, no sensual music, dancing or singing, no free mixing of men and women and immodest dressing
  5. Two Muslim male witnesses.
  6. Presence of the ‘Wakeel’ (guardian) of the bride at the time of marriage


There are some rules on here that, in my opinion, seem oppressive and unnecessarily outdated. By the way, I did not add any of the bolding or italics, that's straight from the mosque's website.  I have somewhat of a superficial understanding of Islam and its treatment of women and would love to learn more, but I do feel that some of the tenants of Islam conflict with my personal values. I'm definitely planning to attend the wedding and promise to not mingle with men or dance sensually. But do I hijab? I don't know. I want to out of respect for my friend and her new family and a general respect for people's religious views. Any thoughts? -Alex

2 comments:

  1. A few! One thought is that, just because it says those rules on othe website, doesn't mean that the couple is following them (I mean, since she isn't wearing a hijab herself.) For instance, I had my wedding at a Catholic Church, which says that we both have to be Catholic (we weren't) and other similar things. People don't always follow the rules of their religion- priests and imams included.
    As for what you should wear, I always think about it like this- people who have grown up in that culture have been raised to think showing their hair is as immodest as showing other parts of their bodies- what if someone came to your wedding showing a part of their body you thought should be covered? However, it sounds like they're living in America, and are used to seeing women's heads uncovered. If the bride isn't covering her head, it'd be silly if everyone else had to.
    Overall, I think if you can show that you're an independent, free woman who is also understanding of other cultures, and a woman is there who is feeling oppressed by her religion, you can be a good example of what other options are out there.

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  2. Thanks for your input Gemma. Today everything was decided for me when I got a call from the bride. "All women must wear veils" Oh well. I went to the shop across the street and found a nice colorful one and the owner even showed me how to put it on. Now I'll just have to control my urges to dance when I'm in the mosque!

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